Absence

What is missing, truly?

When burdens are too much

To carry and relief is all we seek

We wait for the moment we can shed

All that pushes us down and chokes

The life out of us. Absence becomes

A cherished state that would free us

From the strain and suffering and

That lightness of being becomes

The dream we aspire to.

Absence can mean something entirely

different in another context.

Life becomes meaningless and

Comes to a standstill after the loss

Of a loved one: a family member, a pet

A friend or neighbor we were close to.

The resulting void and sense of loss

Is too deep and painful to endure.

Such absences take away our will

To move forward and drowns us.

Yet, in the larger scheme of life,

We do move forward, scarred, bruised

And torn. We learn that life doesn’t stop for

anyone and hurt as we are ,

We learn to accept and adjust and

Become involved in this business of life, yet again.

Absence becomes more unsettling

and hard to pin down when it rises

From a lack that is not always obvious.

The realization after a lifetime of living

Yet never feeling fulfilled or validated

Points to a lingering sense of lack of self, the one

that never found expression, validation or priority

Since we were too busy trying to

Catch up with the impossible dreams

that others seemed to live.

That kind of absence cuts deep

In this late season of my life, I am trying

Not to be stuck with the weight of regret of not

paying attention to what

Being present for myself truly means.

Awareness is the first step to erase

Such emptiness. Being in tune with

myself is the goal.